erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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