Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
