So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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