Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's the barista slut.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
