The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
