I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
