My sheets look like a crime scene.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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