And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
