Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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