just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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