i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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