Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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