Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
