I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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