your parents love me but you hate me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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