at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
