i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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