Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
