And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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