Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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