I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
