and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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