margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
