hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
