Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
