i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
