There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
