My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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