Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
