I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
