She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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