I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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