talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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