3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
