Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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