i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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