Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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