@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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