Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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