When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
