He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
should my penis look like a turkey
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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