Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
