If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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