Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
