i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my sisters under your porch take her home
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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