Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
