At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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