The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
