one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
