did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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