his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
