Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
